Whole Lotsa Life

Forgive me blogworld, for I have sinned … its been 3 weeks since my last post.

Life has knocked me down and kicked me in the teeth and I’m barely just now finding my way up off the ground.

First, an update on my knee …

I went to the Orthopedic Surgeon about my knee a few weeks ago and they did a few xrays and told me I had arthritis. He prescribed me Naproxen to take twice a day and a couple leg exercises to strengthen my knees. He told me to come back in 8 weeks if I wasn’t any better an I wanted to do injections into the joint.

Two weeks later I called back because I was in excrutiating pain and made a new appointment. I told the doctor that I just don’t believe that I ran a 1:42 Half Marathon six weeks ago and now I have arthritis so bad that I can barely walk across the parking lot. It just doesn’t make sense! He scheduled an MRI to appease me, it will be done this coming Monday.

A big part of the reason that I haven’t blogged in so long is that I have been seriously depressed. I don’t mean a little down, but what I believe is clinical depression. I talked to one of the doctors I work with and told him how I was feeling and he told me that it was highly likely because my body has been so used to releasing endorphins for so long that now because I haven’t been running I am not releasing them as much which has caused me to become depressed. Makes perfect sense to me!

Thankfully the last few days have been better. I think that perhaps this knee issue has gone undiagnosed (or misdiagnosed, maybe?) for so long that its starting to heal some on its own. I have started running again a little at a time. I started with 1/4 of a mile … on Thanksgiving I ran 1.25 miles, yesterday I ran 1.5 miles and today: a whopping 2 miles! Whoop whoop!

So since we covered the running part of my blog, lets talk about the eating.

I have officially denounced my vegetarian ways.

I think it originally stemmed from the depression of not running and spilled over into not caring as much about anything … like what I’m eating. Or maybe it was just carrying over from eating meat while on vacation from Disney World. I don’t know.

Whatever the cause, my body (and my mind) have been craving meat lately. I started just eating a few things here and there when out at a restaurant, but this week I have progressed to buying and cooking meat at home. It feels weird.

The strange thing is that I still feel the same way as I did before. I still don’t want animals to have to die to feed me when I can eat healthfully and well without it. But for some reason I’ve had this other side of me that has been thinking things like … “what difference do just I make?” and also the thought of not wanting to deprive myself of experiencing all foods, especially since I consider myself a MAJOR FOODIE.

There are flaws in my ways of thinking. I realize this. But hey, I’m just being honest here.

I don’t know how long it will be before my conscience takes over, but for now: I’m an omnivore.

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3 Comments

Filed under Medical Issues, vegetarian

3 responses to “Whole Lotsa Life

  1. I have that exact conversation with a vegetarian friend of mine…
    Something about the preparation and everything of raw meat grosses me out. Being from a farming region, I grew up as a meat eater, and I still am.
    The longest I last on a vegetarian diet is 2 weeks…

    But the thing is… whether I eat that steak or not, the animal still isn’t going to be alive.
    And at the end of the day, all the animals that we raise here (in Australia) for food aren’t handled that badly…

    My body just can’t stand for my brain making a stand for animal rights and things. It has me dreaming about hamburgers and things 😦

    That comment made no sense, did it?

  2. emma

    Good to hear from you! Sorry to hear about the crappy stuff you’re experiencing now… it’s times like those I have to remind myself to practice “radical acceptance”– accepting my thoughts/feelings/experiences as neither good nor bad. Things are the way they are because that is the way things are…and things are that way because that is how they should be. In any case, even though your running and eating aren’t what they used to be, please keep writing! I think people are the most inspirational when they experience “downfalls;” there’s more to learn from them!

  3. M

    Don’t feel bad about the vegetarian thing at all – I was a vegetarian and a “foodie” for 4 years. What pushed me back into the land of the omnivorous? One word: bacon.

    Life is too short. If you want the burger (or bacon!), eat it.

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